Mumblings of an overworked mind

A Brilliant Book

2010-12-13T00:17:00.003+05:30

The Last Lecture
I have been reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. Little late to the party, some would say. Anyways! You have heard it before, and I will tell you again - What a book! Not only is the book deeply touching but also brilliantly intelligent. As I read the book, I was telling myself - I will read this book again. Many times, may be. Although a contrarian by instinct, I found myself in absolute agreement with many ideas in the book. So, I wonder why does a book become a personal favorite?

Have you come across a book that you could not stop reading? Or, a piece of music? A painting? What made it special?

Coming next: Key learnings from 'The Last Lecture'

PS: Soon, it will be time to pack-up and head home. I have been on road since June. It has been challenging, as much as it has been rewarding. A great team with smart and fun people, now friends.

Lift!

2010-02-07T12:43:00.008+05:30

He waved his hand as he spotted my car coming out of the exit gate of the office compound. Now I am not the type who offers lift to strangers, but for some inexplicable reason, I hit the brakes. I reduced the volume of the iPod connected to the car stereo and reached across the passenger seat. I rolled down the window, and looked at him. He was dressed in a light shirt and dark pants, neatly tucked in that typical style which symbolizes office going people. He had a big brown envelope in his hand, which he held very close to himself.

My eyebrows lifted themselves in a half inquisitive and half perplexed curve. Perplexed because I wondered what made me stop. Ofcourse, he wanted lift to the next junction. I found myself opening the passenger door while simultaneously questioning the wisdom of offering lift to a stranger on an unfrequented stretch of road. "Which way are you headed?" I mumbled, hoping that I find a reason to politely avoid the experience. I immediately realized that it was a rhetorical question, because it was a straight road to the junction. "Wrong strategy!" taunted my brain. I considered taking a U-turn only for a fraction of a second before my brain screamed "That is impolite!" As he slipped into the passenger seat, I found myself resigning to what would happen next.

A strong stench of sweat hit me as I put the car in first gear. I toyed with the idea of turning on the car air-freshener, but that would have been too obvious. I looked out of the corner of my eyes, and found himself holding his phone to his left ear and the envelope close to his chest. That envelope was worrying me. Surely, it was big enough to hold a small revolver or at the very least a fold-able knife. A quick glance at the shape of the envelope, I convinced myself that it was a knife, not a revolver. I was particularly impressed with his strategy of talking intermittently into his phone. It was blocking my attempts to strike a conversation with him as well as preventing me to have a good look at his face. He had surely done this before.

As I turned my car into the deserted stretch of road, I rolled down my window completely, hoping that someone would notice when he took his knife out. My brain was in overdrive, I must strike a conversation with him, create some empathy. I would happily walk away from the car as long as he didn't hurt me. Oh God! I had left my phone on the passenger seat. That was not good. Losing car, and then not having my phone to call the police. I looked at him, "Err... Sorry! I know you are talking to someone, but my phone was on that seat." I was staring at him, trying to capture as much details of his face, wondering if I would be able to pick him when he was standing in line with five other men. He looked back, and I found my throat drying.

"Umm.. my phone", I stammered, "under you." He shifted and pulled put my phone. I thanked him, looked around trying to find a good place to put my phone, before slipping it down my shirt pocket. He must have noticed - my high-end phone and that I put it my pocket. It was getting nerve-wrecking. It was time to bite the bullet even if it was at the cost of being impolite to your prospective executioner.

Looking at him directly, I went "So, where do you work?".

He removed his phone from his left year, and tilted his head, "Same Company as you!" and went back to his phone.

I was stunned for a moment. It could very well be an act of deception. "Which team?"

"I work in the mail room" came the reply.

Yes, that would also explain stench. My office's mail room was not quite well ventilated. But then, doesn't every office have a mail room? I needed more confirmation. "Which floor is the mail room? Oh, I remember, it is on Level I, right?" I feigned ignorance, and dished out misinformation. This was it, the moment of truth.

He lowered the phone, and turned around slowly. He had an incredulous look on his face, as he stared at me. "No Sir! It is in the basement. Were you not there pick up your mail on Thursday?" His voice belied belief. I felt he was looking through me. I shifted my gaze, slotted the car in top gear, and my foot rammed on the accelerator.

As we approached the red light at the junction, I asked him, "Will it be easier if I dropped you to the next junction?"

"No! No! You see that bus," he pointed at the APSRTC city bus in front of my car. "It will drop me right next to my home." The light had turned green, he jumped out of the car, slammed the door, and ran towards the blue bus. "Be careful", I shouted, as he jumped into the moving bus and disappeared. I started moving along with the traffic, still looking at the blue bus. And, then there he was again, craning his neck out of the bus, and waving his hand, again.

One Lazy December Morning

2009-12-05T10:27:00.006+05:30

It is Saturday morning and the weather in Hyderabad is the best since I have been here. There is just enough chill in the air, and Sun is the right kind of bright, even in afternoons. So, I decided I wanted to sit in Balcony, and do something I have not done in a while - blog. There is only one other thing I could have done, finish the book I have been reading for some time now. So I thought I will put down my thoughts on the last few books I have read.

1. Currently reading, Maximum City by Suketu Mehta

Maximum City is a non-fiction on the city of din and don - Bombay. The book is an easy read, and looks at disparate elements of what makes Bombay, through the sympathetic eyes of a man who is more an American than an Indian. The subjects are interesting - murderers, dance girls, politicians and struggling poets - most of them living or have lived in abject poverty. Hence, the real India and the non-fictional tag.

2. Mussolini by Peter Neville

A biography of Benito Mussolini. The book follows the rise of Mussolini - from a unsuccessful teacher to an editor to finally becoming Hitler's side-kick in World War II. The book portrays Mussolini as an opportunist without ideologies and later a naive dictator who dragged Italy into WWII driven by a false sense of Italy's might.

3. Paths of Glory by Jeffery Archer

I had a chance to get Jeffery Archer's autograph last month at Landmark. He was here on the occasion of 20 years on Kane and Able. That aside, the book - Paths of Glory - is about an English teacher-cum-mountaineer who leads two attempts to become the first one to reach the top of Mt. Everest. The book is light, easy to read and perfect for before-you-to-bed-read.

4. Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama

Once you had heard him speak, you always wanted to read his book. The book is an autobiography, and I felt that he could have waited few years before he got around to writing his story. Obama talks in length about growing up as a mixed-race kid and tends to talk of himself more as an African-american. In the last part, he describes his visit to Africa and his efforts to understand his father, who is no more. The story ends abruptly, and the jest is that Obama is a better orator than a writer.

5. The Last Nizam by John Zubrzycki

I have been in Hyderabad for almost four years now, and I felt obliged to understand the history of this place. This is a story of all the seven Nizams of Asaf Jahi dynasty. It is a fascinating story - of the old times, of opulence and grandeur, of war and dynasties.

That leaves around more than 10 books that I have bought over last few months but have not had the chance to read. Two weeks ago, I bought three books that I am really looking forward to read - a book on Palestine, Mein Kempf, and Five Past Midnight by Dominique Lapierre and Javier Moro. Always wanted to read Mein Kempf, and after reading Mussolini, I could not resist the temptation.

Also in queue is Chetan Bhagat's most recent book, the one in the red cover, and it costs only INR 93. His books are like the popcorn you have when you go to a movie. But, a story for a price of a magazine is, in my mind, always a good deal. Anyways, I am looking forward to Amir Khan's Three Idiot based on Five Point Someone.

Coming up next: My last five movies?

2009-11-19T16:33:00.003+05:30

I have been at it for a few months now - the consultant speak. Here are some:

Consultant Speak

Boiling the ocean

Let's make it rain

Tick and tie

On the same page

Sounds good!

Let's connect

Take a crack/shot at it

Quick turnaround

Tell a story/ Make a story flow

Cool beans!

Wow factor

Best!

Hit the ball out of the park

Connecting the dots

Talk to me

It's your baby!

Can you run with this

Quick question

Get on to my calendar

Lets get this out of the door

Let's brainstorm

Let's storyboard this thing

Let's whiteboard it

Fry the fish

Graveyard/Boneyard

Let's put this in the parking lot

Over-delivery

Exceed/manage expectations

Work-life balance

Don't kill yourself

Lets take it to the next level

My two cents

Theek-theek lagao

Expand the pie

Let's touchbase

Deep-dive

Can you pull something together

Kill it

WIIIFM

Flesh out

Big picture

You will be the point on this

Hope this helps!

Feel free to…

Divide and conquer

Off the cuff

If you have the cycles

Carpet bombing

Wing it

Bob it

Asstimate

Do you have band-width?

Have a phantom on the phone?

Prep him

Thud effect

What do you have on your plate?

Swing by my office

Cast a wider net

Good job!

Thanks for helping out!

Dot the I's and cross the t's

Get smart!

Up in the air

Giving cover

Burn rate

Fact pack

My bad

Drop the ball

All over it

Rifle Shot approach

The list never ends. Please add on the ones that I missed.

Today is my mom's birthday.

2009-05-12T00:05:00.002+05:30

Jaago Re!!!

2009-03-23T12:39:00.003+05:30

I think politics is the most high impact profession, no matter which part of world you live. More so if you happen to live in a developing country rife with diversity, differences and contradictions.

The realization kicked in with a dose of Monday morning news for me. The not-so-idiot box tells me that Indian Premiere League, IPL for short, will be held in either UK or South Africa this year. Why? Because the government cannot guarantee security during the matches. Why? Because the elections are scheduled during the same time frame, and the state can only offer a promise of security at the poll booths. Mind you, just a promise. Those of us who have lived long enough in real India know that the invisible security bubble that we live in is just that - a bubble. Ready to burst for anyone willing to give it a poke. And it could be anyone - your local goon, the separatists inside, India's trigger-happy neighbors. Anyways, coming back to IPL, I don't care about the cricket circus as much as about the signal we send out to the whole world. The largest and the fastest-growing democracy, a country with ambition and pretensions of being an international power, cannot guarantee the security of a few cricket matches. We are not even talking about the signal it sends to you and me, poor frighetned denizens of the country. What the government just told us was that it cannot promise security to anything else because elections are around the corner.

P.S.:

1. Varun Gandhi symbolizes everything that is wrong with Indian politics.

2. Firaaq is a disturbing movie. Watch it.

Breaks, Satyam and Other Frauds

2009-01-24T15:00:00.000+05:30

Finally, 'the' project is over. The hours were insane, and that is one of the only-two things that were wrong with the project. The second one, I can't talk about, and I don't care. We had a fun doing this project, mostly because we had a great team. The project wrapped up the day a three-day weekend began, so I say - What timing!!! The plan was to go on a road trip on this long weekend, but that is not happening for a number of reasons. Some people have been working crazy hours, some manager in some firm wants a meeting on Monday, some army truck hit a car traveling at 5 miles per hour (Now, is that really bad?), MS is laying-off thousands of employees. Whew!!! The award of Most-number-of-reasons-for-a-trip-being-called-off goes to the Road-trip-to-Lonar-that-never-happened.

From my first blog of 2009, I still have a few to-dos. Like, what I have learnt from my friends, my complete list of resolutions for 2009, a list of 10 things I would like to do before I die. This last I guess will be the most difficult part. I can't think of anything really different that I would like to do before I die. I can think of what I want to do after I die though.

Last week, one of my colleagues forwarded me the new Amul ad based on Satyam. These Amul guys are good, and so were those Satyam guys. They gave us our very own Enron. Personally, I do not know of anyone who works for Satyam, which is both great and weird. I mean I am based in the same city, and there are supposedly 53,000 employees, or 40,000 depending on your degree of distrust on rumors or ERP, which ever is less. I have to say though that if you had less distrust for rumors, you would have to believe that Mr. Raju created 13,000 fictious human beings. And, for what? For 20 Crore rupees per month. To me, it sounds ridiculous for someone with the resources available with Mr. Raju to cheat for such a small amount, specially keeping in mind the sheer number of forgaries/fruad he would have to commit to create 13,000 employees.

Just imagine handling a non-existent work force of 13,000. My creative mind went into over-drive. (No, I do not have a spare uncreative one. My mind is creative.) What would you do to fool the other 40,000 in believing that they have 13,000 other colleagues? The original employees have never met these guys, or heard from them, or received a mail from them. And, being respectful of the Stayam employees-who-exist, I refuse to believe that they would not have looked through the fraud of having to work with colleagues-who-did-not-exist. May be then, Raju did hire 13,000 people, who had to pretend to be employees of Satyam. Hey, but one second - Aren't these same as what we commonly call employees on the bench? Go to office, swipe the access cards, have subsidized breakfast, and go home. There, that sounds to me as the problem. These investigators, Government employee that they are, do not understand the concept of employees on the bench.

Is it not funny that the name of the firm is Satyam???

Old Scars and New Hopes - II

2009-01-18T15:57:00.010+05:30

So, there it is - the year that was. This is a new year, and time to nurture hopes again, and have resolutions. One of my countless resolution is to spend time more constructively. We were discussing over a dinner about how we never find time to do constructive things which we love doing, or atleast which we claim to love doing. For me, it was writing this blog, reading books, spending time in gym, photography and yes, cooking. My ambition each year is to learn one thing new. The plan was to learn how to shake a leg last year, but since that did not happen, that remains the ambition for this year as well.

Just as a proof that I am actually serious, I am back to writing and hence the blog. I just finished reading Newsweek's series of seven articles on the 2008 campaign. Next up is White Tiger by Arvind Adiga. There are probably 10 books which I have bought over last few months, but never came around to reading. I also posted pictures I took last month during our honeymoon trip to Coorg on internet (Link).

******

Life took a break since I last posted. The project I was working on was scheduled to end on 15th and 16th of January, and it did. But, not before a couple of weeks of craziness. Never before in my life had I stayed in office till 7 AM so regularly, and towards the end, I did not return to my home for almost 60 hours. We parked ousrelves in a hotel room, and worked and worked and slept a bit, woke up and worked, and when it was all over, we worked some more. I have worked crazy hours before, but never realized what burn-out actually meant. Now, I know and I realize I love my job too much to afford a burn-out. 2009's first lesson.

I have written this post over almost two weeks, and hopefully I will post it today. During this time, I finished the book I was reading - White Tiger. It is an interesting, 'interesting'-in-an-american-way book. It is a story of a poor man's journey from Darkness, a place somewhere in Bihar/Jharkhand (Surprise, surprise!!!) to Light, Bangalore. Aren't all men from Darkness poor? Are they? It is an easy-to-read book, told in a way I have never read before, and Arvind Adiga sticks to story telling. I love books which have a story gripping enough so that the writer does not...

A BMW just rolled into the street across from my flat. I find myself looking at it in the same I-wish-I-could-lay-my-hands-on-it way I used to look at blue and yellow chocolate bars in Lakshmi Stores where Mom used to do her monthly grocery shopping in Giridih. Life has come a long way, but desires still burn as intensly. The only difference is that twenty years ago, Mom would see the look in my eyes, and get me one of those white milky chocolates. But, a BMW, eh!!!

... digress from the story. Sometimes these digressions are of great literary value, and I do enjoy them once in a while. But, I read a book primarily for story and that is my problem with White Tiger. It is a cliched story, one we all have heard before. My other regret was that at the end of the book, I still don't know if I know Balram, the protagonist. May be because I am on the other side of the great divide, the poor-rich divide that Arvind Adiga hides in through out the book. To summarize, the book earned a Booker's, so read you must. Do not have great expectations, and you might find Arvind Adiga's style quite enjoyable, with all the dipping of beak, the talking spit puddles and all.

The BMW with sunroof just rolled out, only for a Hyundai Verna to replace it. I snicker at the man in red T-shirt who is pulling a cover over the Verna. Poor guy can only afford a Verna. No sunroof either. Tch, tch!!!.

There are other things that I need to talk about, and I may be travelling next weekend. So, the next post will be either this week, or two weeks from now. If it is two weeks from now, I will have lots of things to talk about, and little time, and then I can play my favourite game of catching-up.

Adios!!!

Old Scars and New Hopes - I

2009-01-03T10:55:00.004+05:30

There are lot of things going on in my mind, and before I forget most of them, let me list them down. I want to talk about myself, relationships, year that was, resolutions for the new year, why I haven't blogged for more than a year now, what made me blog today, my mom, what I have learned from my friends, what are the 10 things I want to do before I die, what am I reading now, and so on and so forth. Thats actually a lot, and I am positively sure I would never be able to talk about all of them today, in this one post. Oh! By the way, these are the things I really have a strong urge to share it out aloud. There is another list of things I would love writing about, like the movies I have seen recently, the places I went to, how I wanted to live in the moment for the first time today, about the project I am working on, etcetra. Let me stop before this blog turns into a list of things I wish I could write about, if it hasn't already.

As I write this, my thoughts go out to one of my friend's wife, who just lost her dad. May be because I have been thinking of mom which itself was triggered by this movie I was watching. We just finished watching Dasvidhaniya, and I thought it was a sensitive movie.

Going back to the list of things I wanted to talk about, I have been thinking of how the last year went. I am tempted to call it a mix bag, like all years are, but to be honest it was not. I lost my mom, and nothing has been the same ever since. I miss her presence, her voice, the warmth of her love, and that feeling of everything-will-be-fine-because-mom-will-take-care. She was our strength and wisdom, and responsible for everything that is good in me. Her loss made all us grow up suddenly, especially dad and my brother. Life goes on, as it always does, but with a feeling of vast emptiness and long wait. Nothing can ever be complete, or perfect.

Going through this loss, I learnt about so many things I was either not aware of, or did not believe in. It dawned on me that life is transient. We all will be gone someday. Silly as it sounds, I never fully understood how temporary life is. On the other hand, there is such a permanency, a finality about death. The person just crosses over to the other side leaving behind memories, which are always slipping away and a wretched feeling of helplessness for those who are left behind that line. There is nothing you can do, except cry, even if you realize that it is futile. But, then thats all you could do, and you have to do something.

I also realized there was no God. I don't believe in the concept any longer, for it beats me how can God, if there was ever one, be so cruel or indifferent. At the same time, I would not call myself an atheist. I do not deny or disbelieve the existence of a supreme being, atleast not completely. I am willing to concede there is a possibility that God exists, I just doubt the intentions. Anyways, it is difficult to ignore the presence of the concept of God when every one around you is so bought-into the concept. That makes me uncomfortable about denying God's presence, lest there is God and he gets angry and makes life even worse. And that is my relationship with God, the same as the common man has with the local don - Of fear, of avoidance.

One of the reasons why I did not want to blog for a long time was because I was not sure I wanted to be so personal so publicly. It would not have been honest to write about any other topic, when this was the one my mind was occupied with.

Well, thats where I stopped last night. There are still so many things to talk about, will pick up from here in my next sitting.

About Life, Friends and Bitches

2008-01-20T23:51:00.001+05:30

A philosopher once said, "Life is a bitch and she ain't the only one around." What the heck, I was that great man. Dont get me wrong, I don't have any gender biases. Just that calling someone a bitch sounds stronger than calling someone a dog. It reminds me of the poster in that barber's shop I used to got to during my school days. It was situated right next to Savera Chitra Mandir, on the trisection where I used to board the bus to my school. It was a stand alone room with clay walls and bamboo roof with clay khapdi. Inside, there were two huge mirrors on wooden frames, dangling on crumbling blue walls. The two mirrors stooped at an angle to the ground, so that you could see only four reflections before the reflections were cut down by the angle. My father used to take me the shop once a month, always on sundays. The shop used to be crowded on sundays, and you had to wait for your turn to get a hair cut. I used to hate wasting my time there, instead of watching Mahabharat on the televsion. Two things though never ceased to intrigue me.

One was the reflections in the mirror. How beautiful it would be to look at endless reflections of myself in the two mirrors? I used to bend down, and try all positions to get to that view. It was obvious to me that the perfect view could only be seen from somewhere under the mud floor of the shop, but they wouldn't let me dig. It was only later in my life that I reaized that I should have been fixing the mirror rather than digging the floor. By then, though, I had moved away from Giridih in search of more such wisdoms.

Second was a dark blue poster, nailed on the wall between the two mirrors, right opposite the enterance. Poster of a black eagle juxtaposed with a girl with light grey eyes, both of them looking straight at you. There it was, on the top right hand corner, in white bold letters, sounding almost like a warning - "Female of a species is more dangerous than the male." Thinking of it, I am convinced neither the barber, nor his younger brother understood what it meant, atleast
no more than I understand know. I wonder if that poster left such a strong impression in my mind, that I ended up calling life a bitch rather than a dog. A dog might take severe objection to that.

Unblogged!

2008-01-03T17:14:00.001+05:30

Weeks, actually months have passed since I have been trying to get myself to blog. I wanted to write movie reviews, but there are already hundreds of them awaiting readers. I wanted to write about the sad state of affairs at Chelsea, but I was too busy admiring Arsenal dismantle oppositions. I wanted to write about myself, but then I was busy living life.

That was last year. Here is a new beginning. No resolutions, but some ambitions.

1. More discipline (read, less junk and more weights)

2. Less of FIFA08, more of books

3. Less TV, more radio

4. And finally, less of planning, more of action

Hello! It's Mr. Nasty

2007-10-06T01:28:00.000+05:30

"Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all the secret hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open. Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling... and moving on... you zing* them. Hello, it's Mr. Nasty.

I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about."

Let me tell you.

You've Got Mail is easily one of my favorite movies. It is a remake of an old flick 'Shop Around the Corner', which many consider was a better movie. I have not seen the old one, but then this is not about the movie. It is about Mr. Nasty and zinging people.

I normally do not look for lessons in romantic comedies, more than I look for flair in Chelsea's football, but I remember the above lines from this movie ever since I saw it for the first time. Zinging people is an art, and a habit which is best left unlearned. You would rather be a 'tongue-tied' Katherine Kelly than a 'zinging' Joe Fox, if you had a choice.

It is all about choice then, or choices. Not one spontaneous choice you wish you could influence before Mr. Nasty turns up in your place. But those icremental choices which you made long before you knew Mr. Nasty, or atleast befriended, and started going around with him.

It is also about our Pandora's boxes - the collection of arrogance, malice, apathy, etc. we have collected. And there is some merit in thinking about how you collected the assortment in Pandora's box. Is it success which results in confidence ( a quality of being certain), so that you can say and do what you wanted to? Is it failure and desperation?

Whatever it is, as Joe Fox says...

"I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say... at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows."

*Zing - As Osho would have said, another versatile four-letter word. According to http://www.thefreedictionary.com/, it can be used both as a noun and as a verb.

n. A brief high-pitched humming or buzzing sound, such as that made by a swiftly passing object or a taut vibrating string.
v. zinged, zing·ing, zings
v.intr.
1. To make a zing.
2. To move swiftly with or as if with a zing: an arrow zinging toward its target.
3. Informal To be vivacious or lively: a conversation zinging along.

v.tr. Informal
1. To attack verbally; criticize sharply: zing an opponent in a debate.
2. To strike suddenly.

Consultant Speak

2007-06-21T09:02:00.001+05:30

No two-by-twos, no interest curves, no bottom-lines, its all about points. The reward points.

People are so obssessed about their reward points. I was in this room surrounded by consultants, and everone wanted to out-brag the other.

"I have a million points with McDonald's, and I can have unlimited french fries, coke, and extra cheese with every cheese burger."
"Yeah, I gave it up, they are so McDonald's. I prefer Subway. I ate 248 subs last year, and now whenever I am at Subway, they send someone to wipe my face."
"Eh, that was mighty close. You missed out big time. If only you had managed to buy 52 more of them, you would have been elgible for the Platinum."
"Argh! Er, argh!"
"What do you mean you couldn't eat anymore. You could have ate it for the points. Thats called 'potty hoping'. So many people do that."
Uh, give me a point, er! I mean, a break. If only people thought so much about what's going on around you, this could have been a place you claim it to be.

Changing the World in Sleep

2007-06-21T08:58:00.000+05:30

One of my friends is online, and his Google Talk shows the red- busy sign and the ticker is "Zzzz...". Don't you disturb, he is sleeping. Holy zebra (Comon now, cow is really holy - thats no swearing at all!), some people sleep online.

This is a silent virtual revolution - and we are doing it in our sleep!!! This is cooler than virtual sex!!!

Imagine an eDay in your avatar's life. Take a stroll in Google from .in to .ca. Park your Mozilla at Microsoft (Dont forget to show the efinger), shop at eBay, pick your mails at hotmail and eat out(?) at eFago De Chao (ah, tasty virtual juicy steaks). Sleep at eHiltons, with a special collection of seven epillows to choose from. Imagine the ebed where you can rest your avatar. Thats so calm. Wow! The feeling just hit you - the eworld is noise free and there are no internet-warming-maniacs to be worried about. Bliss!!!

What the heck, you can have social beds, where you can find people from all over the world sleeping together. That, right there, is a perfect platform for eOrgy - Desibed.com, anyone? I told you - It's cooler than virtual sex.

And, while you are resting in your esuite in eHilton, you can log in to reality to see whats going on in your neighbourhood.

First Weekend in the Promised Land

2007-02-17T06:05:00.000+05:30

Here it comes, my first weekend in the United States of America.

It has been 5 days and my body is still on IST. So, here I was sitting with a Partner of my firm, who invited us on a sales pitch call with the client. This is a big deal, I mean first call with the client and I am sitting with the big guy himself. The time was 2:30 PM EST. I quickly calculated. Damn, this was 1 in the night back home. Dude, time to hit the sack. My eyelids start becoming heavy. What makes matter worse is that the big guy is sitting right opposite to me and that the guys on other side are talking a hush-hush, which frankly sounded like a lullaby to me. Now I am straining to make sense out of those murmurs and the jokes wrapped within them. At the same time, I trying hard to keep my eyes open. So I bend forward towards the phone pretending to be straining myself to assimilate the murmurings. Now I am below the eyeline of the partner and being the opportunist that I am, I take a cat nap. Wow! This was right on the edge. Right at the top of the wildest things I have done, and guess what, I did it in my sleep. Now that is something!

Anyways, on to more important things, like the weather. It was bright and sunny the day I landed. But never judge a book by it's cover. Since that day, I have seen a snow storm, temperatures fall below tolerable limits, and snow turn into ice. What I desperately need here now is a car. Nobody, absolutely nobody walks in this part of the world, except two Indians. That also means that I am locked into my suit once I am back from the office. So, now that I have ample time to maintain a healthy work-life balance, all I am doing is sitting in front of my laptop hoping to run into someone online. Awe, this sucks!!!

And for a happy ending - I am going to New York City tomorrow. I have been told that it is beautiful this time of the year. I don't know what I will be doing there yet, but I don't care. I just want to take a snap of myself at Times Square, get it framed and put it in the living room back home. Heck, thats what everyone does. Me too, me too. But besides that, I also get to meet my friends from BHU days, which is absolutely great. Now that should be fun.

My next blog: A Weekend in Manhattan. Coming soon.

Come To Me - Bhool Jaye Saara Jahan!!!

2006-12-19T00:07:00.000+05:30

Did I tell you about my life in Hyd? Exclude work and we have things to talk about. I live very close to my office and I guess I have mentioned that before in my log.

After shelling out a Bomb (Note: by my definitions, before some of you start whining) as the rent, the collective decision was that we will clean the house oureslves, eat outside and hence save on maid's charges. Like all communistic ideas, this one had to fail sometime, and finally it did. So this month, we have 'enrolled' ourselves to receive services from this Bai, whose caller-tune is "Come to me". Yeah, right!

I kid you not, having a maid is like having a class teacher who is perpetually upset, or a demanding girl-friend .

The first demand is for a mop. Thats easy, I say to myself. I proudly show her the mop we had bought and had been successfully using. But what's good for the geese is not good for the gander. She needs some high-tech mop which does something I dont know. What I know is it costs 200 INR.

What else would she need? "An LPG connection." "An LPG connection??? I just bought nice hot plates, what about them?" "What about them!!! They are too slow. Who's got the time?" I got to take that point, I mean work-life balance concept is not just for consultants.

"What else would you need?" And next moment, we find ourselves pushing around trollies in super-markets. I never knew there were so many things one can buy in a super-market. I love shopping anyways. And shopping for kitchen is like on heck of guilt-free shopping. Its like eating cheesy foot-longs in Subway. You feel it wouldn't add to your waist line. Which, by the way, reminds me that my gym schedule were falling on track again, before this fever thing happened. I need to stick to the plan.

My hiatus from blogging - No reason as such. Just got too busy with things - some important, some not so. Always thought, I should be writing more regularly, but somehow managed to convince myself out of it. Just like gyming. But I am back, both here and the gym. Adios!

Cricket Rocks, Again!!!

2006-12-18T23:21:00.000+05:30

Finally the men in blue won. Suddenly all pundits were gaga about Guru Greg and the shishya lot. To anybody who understands cricket, nah, sport, it is obvious that this was nothing but a flash in the pan. Nothing changed, except that one fine day, S Sreesanth from Kerela bowled exceptionally well. But for that one innings of 84, I thought India was outplayed in the other three innings.

I do not understand, but suddenly no one is bothered about -
1. Opening partnership still failed
2. VRV Singh looks extremely pedestrian - For someone of his height and build, I wonder how can he bowl so slow. He bowls at the same pace as Dada, how could anyone explain that? And besides the pace, there is absolutely no swing, no control, no brains going behind the deliveries. And if that is not enough, how long can he survive the grinds if he doesn't correct his bowling action???
3. The batting line up could not cross 250 once in either of the innings
4. Star of the show - Sreesanth is too volatile, which means he will not do a Mcgrath for India

However, there were definitely some highlights -
1. Dada is back and make no mistake, he is a better batsman now. And perhaps, braver too.
2. VVS Laxman looks so very comfortable - demanding a promotion in the batting order. May be pus Dravid to open, with laxman at three and bring back Irfan. Come on, he can not be a worse bowler than VRV and he will score more than Jaffer.

These are reasons plenty to celebrate, especially for us, the success-starved Indian cricket fans. Believe me, I did not track, forget watching, any of the one-dayers. This one win, and I am keenly looking forward to the Boxing Day. Watch out for the flat deck that a certain Mr. Smith would be getting prepared over there.

When I Am Hurt

2006-09-07T00:06:00.001+05:30

I was wondering about the header, and I was always tempted to add "Which Is Often" to the 4 words up there. Ofcourse then it would have become too long for my whims and fancies. So, here is what I did. I mentioned the three words in the main text, thus ensuring that I had my pie and ate it too.

I think I am the same in real life too. I want to have my pie and eat it too. Sadly that doesn't happen and it shouldn't, to be honest. So I am wondering... Anyways.

I talked to three of my very close friends today, three very different people but very similar conversations. First one has had a steady girl friend for last so many years. Now when it comes to take the plunge, he is bothered that she doesn't discuss her career moves with him. After all, how can he decide to settle with someone who is working all the time? I protested and we debated and we debated. Now many hours later that I think about it, may be he has a point of view I cannot appreciate at this point of time. May be if and when I am in the same situation as he is, I may think the same. As of now, I don't and I think I am right even if not convenient.

The second friend met his match and has escalated the matter, successfully so. I am oh-so happy for him. It must be so good to finally find that someone you are sure is 'the one'. And then, to know that world has not stopped moving just because you fell in love with someone you weren't supposed or expected to. See, good things still happen to good people.

The third conversation was mostly about my life and hence is unprintable in this column.

By the way, I have been wondering how we waste our life thinking, talking, blogging (eh!) about love. Psssttttt. Aren't there bigger goals to achieve, bigger dreams to fulfill? Or, are there? I am not sure as always, but I sure am trying to grapple with the issue. I will keep you updated if I do get an answer.

PS, bole to Parting Shot: DO NOT WATCH 'MY SUPER EX_GIRLFRIEND'

Another PS: So, what about "When I am hurt" enquiers my nail-cutter. When I am hurt, I think about you and how you would have never hurt me and how you could have shielded me against all that could have hurt. My nail-cutter shrugs, "Wishful!"

Another Day in Paradise

2006-07-24T10:57:00.000+05:30

For once, I am trying to do justice to the long and meaningless sentence that welcomes all the few visitors of my log. This is going to be as random and as straight from the heart as I always wanted the space to be.

Scene 1: Standing at the airport, I suddenly feel threatened and insecure.

Scene 2: Sitting on my bean bag, I suddenly feel shaken.

Scene 3: Amidst my friends, I suddenly feel acute loneliness.

Scene 4: Lying on my bed, I suddenly have this urge to verbalize my random thoughts.

Context 1: I am waiting outside the airport, because the concerned authorities (eh!) have decided to close the visitors lounge for security reasons. This, I am told umpteen times by those A4 printouts pasted all over the place. I feel uneasy, with all gory clips so shamelessly transmitted by the 24X7 news channels, deluging my thoughts. I am reassuring myself when a group of well-armed ‘thullas’ march oh-so-arrogantly past me. Now, I am positively alarmed. I look around, and the people around look very familiar. Yes, these were just the kind of faces who lie maimed and crippled after every mishap while the ‘sabse tez’ reporters gagged them with their microphones. ”Kaisa lag raha hain is haadse mein bacchhne ke baad aapko?” ”Ah! Its a great feeling. I get to live another day in this paradise.”

Context 2: I proudly show my up-class flat to my dad, who is very disapproving of the astronomical rent I am shelling out. Dad’s turn now. I am keen to lay my hands on all the goodies Ma would have sent. I am most excited about finally having my FIFA gaming disc. First thing to come out is a pack of mithai, with my favorite kajoo ki barfi. I am in a state of bliss as I merrily hog on the barfis waiting for other goodies. Out comes a large yellow envelop, and I am curious. Dad is very casual about it. I am more curious. I open the envelope. Wow! This thing looks familiar. It is from Delhi’s famous Prem Studios. Staring back at me is a pair of eyes with forlorn look of a lovely looking lady from that glossed photograph. I am shaken.

Context 3: I drop my dad at the airport, and make a hasty retreat. I am with my friends, and everyone is busy doing things they should be doing. I am trying to actively participate in the mundane. Suddenly it hits me, where it hurts. I fire a rapid poser on my new Nokia phone via my new Airtel ‘India-One’ connection. And I await a response. I get one soon enough. It feigns ignorance, even tries to sidestep, but I am holding firm. I still feel that acute loneliness. I shrug, I smile and I convince myself - I will make this happen.

Context 4: Pardon me if it sounds too radical a thought, but Sunday nights are horrible, for they give way to Monday mornings. I don’t want this night to end, at least not so soon. So I roll up my sleeves, boot my Dell, play KANK album and attempt to put a shape to my thoughts. I am successful. I have managed to extend my weekend by almost an hour. I can sleep in peace now.

That in very short was my first weekend after a month. This incidently is also the completion of my 3 months into job.

And if you were trying to make sense of all this, let me add this - most of what you read was because I don’t have my FIFA disc yet.

A Tale of Missing Content

2006-07-10T18:07:00.000+05:30

This is the official end of yet another of my frequent self-imposed sabbatical from blogging. The idea is to avoid the perils of regular blogging. The getting-used-to-it is a deadly syndrome, be it a place, a person or an action. That in so many words, also is the jist of all that I wanted to say, but could not.

With a concious effort to stay clear of those muddy waters of bitterness and whining, a partof me says I should write about something vanilla instead. Like the soccer worldcup. Now that I think of it, I have a sort of grudge, nay, grudges there too. Brazil lost in what can only be termed as insipid display. And then, I couldn't watch the finals, because I was just too tired. Some 16 hours later, I am in a state of disbelief. How could I sleep off, how on earth???

I am so short of things to write, I can't believe it. Ofcourse, there are things which I would rather not make public, like what I think about attention span, selective perception and 'gating' policy of girls. Oh that reminds me of a funny story of one of the guys I work with. Who cares about the details, and anyways I am too busy to type it out.

Ah, that reminds me. There is a VideoCon to attend. G2G.

When I Can No Longer Pretend...

2006-06-16T16:22:00.000+05:30

One of those teenager's songs I still do not mind listening again and again.

"Miss You In A Heartbeat"

I believe, that there's something deep inside

That shouldn't be from time to time.

I sure found out, thought love was such a crime

The more you care, the more you fall

No need to worry, no need to turn away

'Cause it don't matter, anyway

I miss you in a heartbeat

I miss you right away

I miss you in a heartbeat

'cause it ain't love, if it don't feel that way

oh no

When we touch, I just lose my self control

A sad sensation I can't hide

To love is easy, it ain't easy to walk away

I keep the faith and there's a reason why, yeah

No need to worry, no need to turn away

'Cause it don't matter, anyway baby

I miss you in a heartbeat

Yeah I miss you right away

I miss you in a heartbeat

'cause it ain't love, if it don't feel that way

Now, I ain't big on promises, I'll be true to you

'Cause I'd do 'bout anything, yeah

for some one like, baby for you

I miss you in a heartbeat

yeah I miss you right away

oh, I'm gonna miss you in a heartbeat

'cause it ain't love, if it don't feel that way

When I Am Numb...

2006-05-11T23:31:00.000+05:30

Its been a hard day's night and I have been working like a dog... with nothing to show for it. It got to the point where I had to take a power nap on my desk. Would you believe it??? And if that was not enough, my team lead came to check on the progress I was making. Some progress, deep in my slumber. He was kind enough not to embarass me by waking me up, but nonetheless I felt so stupid. Its one of the moments you wish you could edit out of your life.

One of many such moments was when we were auditioning for a play. Each one of us had a partner, and you had to find out about partners background and then dramatize and present within 5 minute. Now, let me clarify, even if I am a good actor in real life, I am an awful one when I have an audience. That too impromptu, gosh!!! I did a narration of the life of the beautiful lady, who happened to be my partner. It was one of those moments which makes me cringe whenever I think about it. It was funny, making a fool of myself. The team was very encouraging, but you know when you have screwed up, right? Those night outs practising play where one of the highlights of my two years at hell. Something which pushes all those moments of frustation at hell out of mind. I cannot explain how I managed to get myself into that play, but I am so glad that I did. Thanks Rubeena, for that last minute call.

Anyways, coming back to the present, something that bothers me is the reds romping home in Bengal once again. I don't know how they manage to do this over and over again, or of it is good/bad for the people there. With the limited time I have spent at Kolkata, I would have expected a government to have done much more after being in place for almost three decades. I guess people are the best judge, and I only hope this is true reflection of what people actually want there.

Few things that rankles in this overworked mind however refuse to lie down. Bengal is becoming India's very own China, carrying the same mystique. Nobody really seems to know what are the ground realities. Why does CPM have such a strangle hold on the masses? Are the polls fair? And then there are larger questions like is it a case of choosing the lesser of the evils? Or, simply a case of no alternative. You would think so looking at the results of the polls. Mamta Di has been amazing accurate in shooting herself in foot. Someone should think of pairing her with Harshvardhan Rathore; she could easily get us a medal in mixed doubles of shooting, if there is something like mixed doubles there.

I also wonder if this one party rule for decades is good for democracy. I would think not, for politicians so long in power are hardly in do-good-work-and-prove-yourself mode. It has been like a legacy for so long now. Look at what happened to the country under one party rule. Even the not-so-bhadralok Biharis managed to ground Laloo-Rabri. When would Bengal wake up from this Red fascination?

Of all issues, one question that needs an answer is - Has CPI/CPM learnt to manage expectations of people? Has the ruling party been able to make people dream small and then deliver small and get away with it? That to me seems the saddest truth coming out of this yet another land slide victory for Reds.

Here is hoping that people of Bengal would dream again and dream big. May be five years later, we would see a politician, nay, a leader able of giving back Bengal its sleep, and with it - the dreams. And then, the real democracy would resurrect itself in the land which has given India so many of her revolutions. For now, Bengal needs one for itself.

Shifting Gears

2006-05-09T22:13:00.000+05:30

Gone are the blissful days of idleness and the sleepy mornings which stretched up to noon. This is a new life, spent in a 2m X 1m cubicle in the corner of a lavish floor of a state-of-the-art building, staring endlessly at the screen of my Dell laptop as if it was my long lost love. There are four very similar buildings in my office premises, all built to fit the latest fad of glass castles to T. I was mighty impressed the first time I walked in, and even more when I compared it with the last office I had walked in. With swanky lifts, cool coffee joints and a cozy canteen, you couldn’t be but impressed.

Two weeks and I can see the glaring short comings of the glass cage. For starters, no natural light is allowed in anymore than burglars would be allowed inside the building. The advantage is you can concentrate on your work irrespective of time, every hour looks the same. I wonder if this was a deliberate attempt, but for sure, the logic works. On the flip side, you crave for a bit of sunshine in your life, literally. The canteen feels cozy no more, what with the taste of food slowly sinking in. The gym looks like the saving grace, but who’s got the time?

There is one more solace, my new apartment, which I am sharing with two of my colleagues. It is one cool flat, just a stone throw office. In hindsight, you need to throw the stone a km at least. But, whatever! You get the broader picture, right? The flat cost us a fortune, atleast by my standards. The best part is that the balcony opens to a fantastic view, that of a swimming pool. God, what more can I ask for? Perfect way to kill those lazy weekends.

There are other things to look forward too. The work so far has been interesting and comes at you like a Carlos free kick, which is fast. And mostly, it is a topic I have never heard of. But that is ok, for it gives me a chance to learn. I prefer it this way, only if I could slow the pace down, but that is not going to happen anytime soon. People are fun too, well mostly. There are always a few loose canons around everywhere and we have one here too. Earlier I used to avoid such piece-of-arts. However, these days I am trying to increase the fun quotient of work by leveraging on this loose canon we have. I tell you it works. This lady is an amazing source of amusement all day long. It has dawned upon me that I was dumb to not work on similar people I met before.

Anyways, things are hotting up all around, and I am all ready and excited to launch the next phase. Lets go, lets go, lets go!!!

Calling Names...

2006-04-12T12:30:00.000+05:30

Calling names is an art, I have never been good at. I am one of those who are condemned to call a spade a spade, and not because I am a direct descendant of that Harishchandra linage. Mostly because I lack the flair of concealing my bitter feelings in sugar coated words. Its an awful talent not to have - of berating people in style. Saala, apan to wahi kutte-kamine per utar aate hain...

One thing I have the knack for is getting berated left, right and centre. Not for a moment am I suggesting that I haven't earned it the hard and honest way, but it has been, should I say, over-the-board at times. To me, some of it has started to sound like incessant ranting. I mean, people can't just get over me. WTF??? Get over me, you sad happily-living-altruist-souls. I mean I am bored of the adjectives you have been using to define me. Here are some samples of nouns and adjectives used for yours truly:
1. Old Friend: Sorry to say it again but WTF? Buddha kis ko bol raha hain be???
2. Escapist: Yeah, thats a nice one. Sounds kinda serious too, only if someone told me what is it supposed to mean. To me, it sounds like scornful. Ouch, I am being scorned!!!
3. etc: I don't know what this means either, but I sure as hell cannot even pronounce it.

Anyways, the crux of the matter is, is all this jingoism is to make me feel worse, phew, it feels flat on its face. etc becomes cte. Ha ha ha. Applause please!!! And if it is intended to make the author feel good, well be my guest. (Not literally, Please!!!) I hope it enriches your life and frees your minds of shackles of terribble past and invigorates your personal life and allows more milage for your bike and makes your batteries last long and whatever.

PG15: Parental Guidance Recommended for reading here onwards. Some parts hereby could be truth.

Signing off: Now I am really losing it. How easy is it to gospel about all that should be done and followed and thought? Especially if you are perched up on a lofty pedestal, so secure even in all its grotesqueness. I mean there they are living a happy life, but then boredom follows any normal life. And in states of boredom, when people have nothing better to do, they would come and mess up with your life which might have seen a hint of normalcy returning to it.

More I think about it, more I get the feeling of being harassed. The thing is there are some people nosing around in my life, holding only my concern for their well being as a collateral to any retaliation from me. And it has come to the point where it has started to annoy me. I guess a few mails to them or, even better, their perfect ones might just work. It’s such a grotesque idea, but there are not too many to choose from. Beware all you mean things.

Down The Memory Lane

2006-04-12T12:10:00.000+05:30

So this is it then. I am through with studies, for some time to come surely. I never liked studies, but as I step out to meet the big bad world, I have a strong feeling I would miss the student days more than I had expected. Suddenly I seem to appreciate that the pros of being a student dwarf the cons, in a big way too.

The Child

Marching ahead @ Saraswati Shishu: It started off in a Hindi-medium school at Bhagalpur, and I can't recall the name even. Some thing like Bal Vidya or Saraswati Shishu Mandir, perhaps the latter. Two things I do remember are Daksha-Vaksha (I bet you don't know what that stands for - its the desi version of Left-Right) and Tabassum Begum. Apparently, I used to come back if she was not present. Some child prodigy I was, huh.

Sprinting @ St. Joseph: From there to St. Joseph, Bhagalpur, which was a kind of start-up back then, like me. Considering that I studied only till Std. One, I remember a lot about that place. The mango ridden approach to the main entrance, the huge playground surrounded by steps, winning the sprint (my first and last, I guess I never even competed in sprint after that), the Rajiv-Gandhi speech during fancy dress competition (I forgot the speech midway), and the guy who dug his teeth into my tender skin, ouch!!! The best part however was running madly to the music played during recess. Boy, that was fun.

Dad’s job took him to Giridih, and it was Carmel School for me, the most prestigious in that sleepy town. I believe it was here that I became what I would eventually become.

Acads @ Carmel: I was always a mediocre student, with illusionary claims of greatness in math. My excelling in math was more a result of my father’s fascination for it, rather than my own intelligence. Dad made me work so hard on math, that it was destined that I would be far better at it than my friends. Life changed forever though when my handwriting propelled me to the topper seat in the final exams. Suddenly, I was intelligent, fit only for the best engineering colleges. Any less, and I would have done injustice to my potential. Nobody ever bothered to ask me if I actually was intelligent or it was just a shot in the dark.

Crush @ Carmel: Of many other things that molded my thoughts and me at Carmel was my first crush. To this day, I haven’t seen a prettier face than her; neither has my heart raced at somebody’s presence like it did when she was around. Of course, loser that I was, I couldn’t even express myself to her. My benevolent friends did the job for me, in a far less appealing fashion than I would have preferred. The pain of rejection (the fact that I didn’t ask, doesn’t count) kept me miserable for months to come.

The Youth

Grounding @ JVM: The topper of Carmel, riding on clouds entered into the torturous confines of DAV Jawahar Vidya Mandir. I do not know to this day, what made me hate JVM so much. Perhaps it was the ragging. But one thing was sure; it was never ‘My School’. I might have resented the walls and the roofs, but I sure got a lot of friends at JVM. The exclusive bus trips meant that we were that much more close as a group. Studies were left to fend for themselves, and it was little wonder that sweets were not being distributed when the Std. XII results came. I was glad to know that I had passed, and the matter was closed forever.

Halt @ Munirka: It was a long journey from JVM to IT-BHU, with a yearlong stopover at Delhi. The lonely life in that single room was comparable to a hermetic life atop a mountain. I would go for days without talking, because I had no one to talk to. And, the food was pathetic. It all made me do what I had never done before in my life – study. At the end of this huge learning curve was Moksha – in the form of IT-BHU.

To Be Continued...

Calling Names

2006-04-09T02:36:00.001+05:30

Calling names is an art, I have never been good at. I am one of those who are condemned to call a spade a spade, and not because I am a direct descendant of that Harishchandra linage. Mostly because I lack the flair of concealing my bitter feelings in sugar coated words. Its an awful talent not to have - of berating people in style. Saala, apan to wahi kutte-kamine per utar aate hain...
One thing I have the knack for is getting berated left, right and centre. Not for a moment am I suggesting that I haven't earned it the hard and honest way, but it has been, should I say, over-the-board at times. To me, some of it has started to sound like incessant ranting. I mean, people can't just get over me. What the fuck??? Get over me, you sad happily-living-altruist-souls. I mean I am bored of the adjectives you have been using to define me. Here are some samples of nouns and adjectives used for yours truly:
1. Old Friend: Sorry to say it again but WTF? Buddha kis ko bol raha hain be???
2. Escapist: Yeah, thats a nice one. Sounds kinda serious too, only if someone told me what is it supposed to mean. To me, it sounds like scornful. Ouch, I am being scorned!!!
3. etc: I don't know what this means either, but I sure as hell cannot even pronounce it.
Anyways, the crux of the matter is, is all this jingoism is to make me feel worse, phew, it feels flat on its face. etc becomes cte. Ha ha ha. Applause please!!! And if it is intended to make the author feel good, well be my guest. (Not literally, Please!!!.) I hope it enriches your life and frees your minds of shackles of terrible past and invigorates your personal life and allows more mileage for your bike and makes your batteries last long and whatever.

PG15: Parental Guidance Recommended for reading here onwards. Some parts hereby could be truth.

Signing off: Now I am really losing it. How easy is it to gospel about all that should be done and followed and thought? Especially if you are perched up in a comfortable%2%

Next Step Into The Unknown

2006-03-07T19:36:00.000+05:30

I stepped out, and I expect life to turn on it's head. For the better, as anyone esle would have wished. Many people would have taken this time to take into account the life that just crossed one by. Even I feel like doing it. But then, how fruitful exercise is that? What would be my takeaway from such an evalutaion, and not to miss, what are the cost?

One reason I am not too keen on it is - the huge emotional and intellectual stress. Too high a cost. About last two years, ... zzz... zzzZzzZzzz

Perfection Demystified & The Perfect Vilified.

2006-03-03T02:34:00.000+05:30

My my!!! How do I manage to find out the most inappropriate times to find out the most appropriate triggers for blogging? Here I am( Hail Bryan Adams), deconstructing precious seconds into meaningless words while the ambitious souls pour over what budget has in store for the cement sector or why pharma despite strong showing is underperforming on the bourses.

Do I care?
Yes, ofcourse I do.

Can I do much about it?
I am afraid, I can't.

Does that bother me?
Yes, it does.

Am I planning to do something about it?
Hell NO. Its too late. Thankfully.

What does it mean for my future?
A lot, if I don't manage a huge slice of luck within next one week.

Do I care?
Hell I do.

Can I help it?
Not by blogging at least.
(And the argument continues...)

Yeah, that's one way to correlate. I mean I see guys working there ass offs chasing what they think is perfection. Now thats not something you chase. (Chase, a nice word, isn't it. I love the chase.) Perfection is something which chases you, and you can be perfect at times and good for nothing at some others. And I am treating perfection as a wholistic concept here, not isolating it into silos of corporate banking or equity research.

Now with the very virtue of being perfect, you stand at a pinnacle. Isolated from the lesser mortals, who would give their eyes and Raybans to get you off from there. Its hard when you are dumped from being perfect one to just another rat who lost the race. And there stands someone else, in all his glorified ugliness (forgive me if I am mean, I think I have suffered enough to earn the right to a few below-the-belts) smiling benignly at you. I wish I couldn't see his face but I can. That smirk is well earned, it kills me none-the-less.

I think Brooks says it for me. "I don’t like it. I am tired of being afraid all the time. I have decided not to stay." He was lucky, for he had a choice. And yes, it helped that it was just a movie.

A taste of one's own medicine

2006-02-25T20:11:00.000+05:30

One red card, two own goals. Now, that was one heck of a match. The kind that makes football such a spectacle. I wanted Chelsea to win and ofcourse, it was not to be. To be fair, Barca were the better team even 11 versus 11. They looked dangerous for the first 30 minutes, and then Refree lost the plot. With Del Horno cruelly expelled, you could have expected Barca to steamroll the opposition. It was a testimony to Chelsea's spirit that they put up a valiant fight. As brave as Chelsea were, it was only a matter of time till Barca would have wrapped them up. And wrap they did, despite a scare.

Jose talks about sending B team to Barca, which would be a shame. But then, we all know 'the chosen one' would never give up till the final whistle is blown. So relax, it would be a bloody treat in another two weeks at Camp Nou. I still have a gut feeling that refree did just enough in the first leg to ensure Barca goes through.

Its such a shame. Not that Chelsea had to loose in this manner, because let us face it, play-acting is a serious talent in football today. Chelsea know all too well about it. Its a shame that this had to be the quaterfinals. It deserved nothing less than the finals. And, its a shame because UEFA would still do nothing about play-acting.

For Lack of Better Title

2006-02-17T01:43:00.000+05:30

Thought of the month: Life is a bitch, but she isn't the only one around.

I had warned I will be back, and here I am. Never mind the whimpers and the bangs. There is a lot going around in this futile fertile mind of mine. The screening and censoring leaves almost nothing worthwhile to blog. Not that I would have written a classic otherwise, but it sure would have been... let me say... colorful.

Thats how life is being consumed these days, colorfully. It feels great to smoke away the long dark tunnel. And I owe to it the rest four 'howrahs' and one certain... beep beep. Ah!!! Those Doordarshan days and the censored dialogues. Main tera khoon pee jaonga BEEP BEEP. This one is for anonymity sake though OBVIOUSLY. ANYWAYS, I am so much better without so many things now, least of all my filthy conscious, which I must add had been leveraged too many times by junta. No more of that now folks.

Looming large on horizon is the D-for-detoxication Day courtesy that one certain beep-beep. I dont want to find it as easy as Mark Twain, but should be a test nonetheless. I AM NOT TOO SURE BUT CHALTA HAIN. Ryt? Ouch... copyright infringements here!!!

And finally, a toast to all those nights and days spent in fear of failing in exams. No more of them for me. Its time for war now.

One More That Moves Me...

2006-01-04T05:16:00.000+05:30

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me Cause
I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Reference: 'Iris' Lyrics by Goo Goo Dolls
Dedicated to: R

The Bridges Of Madison County???

2005-12-26T00:30:00.000+05:30

"This kind of certainity comes just once in a lifetime." And for some, the certainity comes either too soon or too late, that is if at all it does. For the more important part of one's life- the rest of one's being, it is a never ending search for certainity. Atleast temporary certainities. Otherwise you just drift with the flow and most of the times thats what you can do in any case. But think about a dingy on a furious river. It cannot go against the tide, its destiny. It can still be rowed towards a place down the river.

I have been looking for that place as my dingy tosses and threatens to turn over. And I can find non to interest me. Those I liked, and I still like them, I can see them on the horizon on the upstream. As they vanish in the distance, I look for newer destinations, even fleeting. The fact is that I am bored of sitting on this dingy, waiting for it to flip over. Or just hit some rock and come to a still. I need a dream, a goal on the other side of the river.

I need to discover or invent a dream, and soon. Who is talking about 'the purpose' of life? A short-term goal would do just fine, thank you! A goal which I might jettison after a while. But it should keep me engrossed for the 'now' and 'here'.

Suggestions are invited, though might not be (and be sure about it) adhered to.

Courtesy St. R Williams

2005-12-05T18:03:00.000+05:30

"Sexed Up"

Loose lips sunk ships

I'm getting to grips with what you said

No it's not in my head

I can't awaken the dead

Day after day

Why don't we talk about it

Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way

It doesn't make me wanna stay

Why don't we break up

There's nothing left to say

I got my eyes shutPraying they won't stray

Oh we're not sexed up

That's what makes the difference today

I hope you blow away

You say we're fatally flawed

When I'm easily bored

Is that OK?

Write me off your list

Make this the last kiss

I walk away

Why don't we talk about it?

I'm only here don't shout it

Give 'em time, you'll forget

Let's pretend we never met

Why don't we break up?

There's nothing left to say

I got my eyes shut

Praying they won't stray

Oh we're not sexed up

That's what makes the difference today

I hope you blow away

(And here are my favourite lines....)

Screw you

I didn't like your taste anyway

I chose you

That's all go to waste it

It's Saturday (Maunday, actually... eh)

I'll go out and find another you

Why don't we?

Why don't we break up?

There's nothing left to say

I got my eyes shut

Praying they won't stray

Oh we're not sexed up

That's what makes the difference today

I hope you blow away

Earth is Beautiful!!!

2005-11-08T23:51:00.000+05:30

You can wonder if God was just when he made this Earth. Or, did we change it? Who cares!!!

Bonjour!!!

2005-09-20T20:21:00.000+05:30

Alright, so I was away for a while, away from all the 'fattebazi' as one of my juniors calls it. The point is, as I mentioned in one of the posts, that I dont want to make it an outlet of my emotional turbulations. This site would become too sad a place to visit for the few people who do manage to stumble upon it. And then, who cares anyways. But behind all that 'fattebazi' is some emotional trigger which is way too personal to be mentioned on this public site. I make it a bit too oblique purposefully. Don't worry Pushp, I have not lost it. Not yet anyways.

Last few days have been some experience, but also have put lot of things in perspective. I have been thinking (yes, sometimes I do that too). I don't remember the name of the movie, but this dialogue is like one of my absolute faves. William Wallace roars to the fleeing scottish army, " Dying in your bed many years from now, would you be able to trade, all of it, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell your enemies that they can take our life but they can never take our freedom." And the scottish army stayed and fought for their freedom. Life gave me a chance too, but I fled. Alas, there was no William Wallace to stop me. It's a sad story, much sadder than it sounds. Everyday you live with this feeling, and it can be tough.

I am sorry, I started of with how different this week has been and end up telling how same it has been. Life is different, with lots of time for self. I kind of enjoy it, the loneliness, the long walks to nowhere, freedom to be no one in the crowd. There is lot less pressure ofcourse, but it is some kind of learning none the less. Try telling that to one of our professors in L, huh!!! I tried cooking and my humble submission is that it was not bad at all. Wait till you are the next casualty of my cooking.

I miss music, so much. This other day, I was listening to some ghazals, courtesy doc. I loved it even if it left me much sadder. The songs were the same- 'Hoton se choo lo tum' and this another one by Jagjeet Singh again, I can't recall the name. But somehow, the words came out much stronger. It was so meaningful, like listening it for the first time again. Some experience!!!

One thing bad that I have picked up is smoking, and it is not too bad at all. And my body seems to be standing up to it for a change. Poor thing has to live with it. See, it is not just metaphysics that changes. Even the physical things adapt, and it is good. Atleast easier than seeing other people change as much. Which reminds me of how people parade their emotions in front of others. Come on people, don't be a sadist. Just because you are happy doesn't have to mean that you show-off to the unfortunate ones. Be magnanimous to the losers. As of me I am trying to be gracious in defeat, and I think I have been for the most part.

Yeah, yeah, I am closing with my groanings now. Have a good week!!!

The Literary Genuis That Was and The Tamasha That Is

2005-09-03T12:38:00.000+05:30

What’s writing or for that matter any form of communication supposed to achieve? At the bare minimum, it should be able to facilitate a flow of ideas and when that’s achieved, it further attempts to conceal the extremities of suggestions through dressing up the whole idea. That’s fine with me, unless the form becomes more important than the substance. In the extreme of cases, the idea goes for a toss and all that is left is a web of beautifully crafted words. Never mind that it makes no sense.

A counter argument to that can be: since I am incapable of literary wizardry, I am acting a spoil sport. And this holds weight. I would not fall prey to the trap of trying to refute it. All accusations gain weight, only and only when you stand up to disprove them. So lets let hang there in balance for eternity, like all out confusions and self-doubts.

Couple of days back, I happened to read an article from our very own, self-proclaimed messiah of masses, lady Quixote, Ms. Arundhati Roy. Something never changes. Like Roy’s jingoism and a fear of the grand plan that is, if she were to be believed, controlling every human’s and nation’s destiny. And mind you, it is not His plan that she refers to. It is an evil alliance of groups only Ms Roy can identify, working towards an aim, which again only Ms Roy can identify. If she really believes in it, I wonder how she manages to sleep at night. For the picture she paints is worse than the darkest fiction you ever read. And if I were to believe in it, I would simply find a certain Arundhati Roy playing a cog in the wheel. That is an interesting possibility.

So, what does an aerobic teacher do after she has conquered the word with a piece of literary genius and simultaneously exhausted all her literary resources, but doesn’t want to renounce the fruits of recognition? For one, you can hijack others causes (poor Ms Patekar and NBA) and take it to a literary plane. In that stratosphere, where oxygen is less and Chambal nothing but a dot, the wars of common man are fought as a part of the battle against the larger evil. The pains and anguishes are transformed into nothing but heavy words. And you transform into a leader, never mind that no body ever asked you to fight his battle.

It certainly is a comfortable way to earn a living and intelligent too. It’s a fight with no enemies to retort, so fear of retribution is zilch. And since there are no enemies, this war is not going to get over any soon either. So, you sit on the tip of an endlessly money spinning iceberg called ‘Social Activism’. With the monetary perk that accompanies the tag of celebrity activist, is a moral tranquilizer that you are fighting for the common man. So you can feel no guilt and not feel guilty about it. It is an amazingly simple, quixotic and successful formula.

It is not that I don’t respect her redoubtable genius. For sure, I saw was captivated by the imagery of green Kerela village, that Marxist procession and the flooding river. I have also admired her revelations about key political figures and their vested interests in the everyday happenings around us. Her anger at US has at times looked rational, like when she retorts to Bush's if-you're-not-with-us-you're-against-us ultimatum to world. She says and I agree, “It's not a choice that people want to or need to or should have to make.”

Alas, such gems of simplicity and logic are all too rare from Ms Quixote.

The Leader!!!

2005-09-02T11:59:00.000+05:30

Premji Speaks:

As a country we are on the threshold of a unique opportunity. To manage this opportunity, we need to understand what will drive the changes in the future and how we need to manage them.
There are three kinds of drivers with varying amplitude and different time horizons, which I feel will dictate the future of economy and business. The first are the short term or immediate drivers. These are primarily various kinds of arbitrage opportunities that exist across various national economies and regions.

Remember the growth experience of the Indian software industry. The salary differential among software professionals between US and India was a great arbitrage opportunity on which initial success of the industry was built.

Similar opportunity has arisen today in the BPO industry and in pharmaceutical and biotechnology research. Salary or wage differential is just one kind of arbitrage opportunity. But arbitrage opportunities do not last forever.

In medium term, technological possibilities and changes in geo-political scenario will be the major economic drivers. These need to be looked into by built to last firms for strategic planning. But the sweep of these drivers is much broader.

Unlike short-term drivers, these do not provide quick opportunities for gains and require a lot of sweat and labour. In the long run, however, they are worth the trouble. All leapfrog economic gains come from these drivers.

The Indian IT industry is a case in point. The immediate gains came in from the exit of IBM by manufacturing indigenous minicomputers. By converting the software and R&D expertise into solutions and services for the global market, it became a more long term advantage.

Every great global company was built by leveraging on these drivers including GE, Microsoft, IBM or Ford. If you understand them, you can shape the rules of the game rather than being ruled by them.

Medium drivers are built on more solid foundation than tactical advantages. In countries like India and China, we have a greater availability of engineers and masters degree holders in science and engineering. These are higher end competencies that cannot be easily replicated. They will give these countries a definite "differential" over the medium term.

The last set comprises long-term drivers, whose impact may not be felt in day-to-day business. But they are so pervasive that they impact every facet of human life. These require collaborative action by society. These drivers are of the order of globalisation or environmental sustainability.

For example, take the case of demographic shifts currently undergoing in developed parts of the world. In the entire history of human civilisation, we haven't witnessed a situation where old people outnumbered youngsters. In countries like India, the exact opposite is true with a much larger younger population. This is a source of enormous strength for our India in its drive for economic transformation.

Coming to social transformation, there are many complex issues that confront a country like ours. I have looked at just five of these issues because I think they have a far reaching impact.

I am convinced that the first priority is primary education. At Azim Premji Foundation, our key drive is towards universalisation of primary education. We have 3.9 crore out of 19.2 crore children in the age group 6-14 who are out of the school. Education helps people make informed choices, and enhances their access to opportunities.

The second issue is primary healthcare. Our infant mortality rate is 70 per thousand compared to less than 10 per thousand in the developed world. This level of morbidity, combined with illiteracy, deprives millions of our people from benefiting from the economic opportunities.

Third, we need to overhaul our land related laws, taxation and information systems. It is estimated that 90 per cent of land in India are subject to legal disputes over ownership. Stamp duty ranges between 8-15 per cent of the property value, encouraging avoidance.
On the other hand, property tax rates are low and collection is inefficient. All this has led to Indian land prices being the highest among the Asian nations relative to average incomes, and low tax collection is hampering our ability to maintain urban infrastructure.

Effective land reforms can really boost housing and retail sectors, two of the largest sectors of the economy outside of agriculture, and generate huge employment opportunities.

Fourth, we must focus on the power situation. Power sector is by far the biggest resource drain on the economy. We need to eliminate power thefts/leaks and improve efficiency of generation, distribution and transmission. These changes can have a major impact on the fiscal deficit of the states, apart from bringing down the cost of doing business in India. The first investment we make before opening up any facility in the country is a generator!

Fifth, water scarcity is being felt across the country. Less than 40 per cent of cultivable land is under assured irrigation. Underground water table is declining at the rate of 5 per cent every year. In the medium term, water shortage will create a significant barrier to growth -- whether agriculture, industry or urban infrastructure. It is important that we push ahead with innovative projects like interlinking of the rivers.

************************************************************************************

Clarity of vision and ability to put that across. AMAZING!!!

Love As Another Four Letter Word

2005-09-02T10:15:00.000+05:30

Okay, so love is just a four(itself four-letter word, starts with F too) letter word, or is it? For sure, it has four letters and its as rubbishly used as the other famous four letter word starting with F, food. So whats this fuss(also a four-letter word, amazingly starting with F again) about love being a four letter word?

Ok, I realize I am taking it too literally. More seriously, I dont think you could equate love with the F-letter word. I mean would you scream "Love you, B***h" at someone you are really pissed off at? Or, try saying "What the Love!!!" Doesn't fit man, not at all!!! Oh, I am still taking it literally.

I am sorry if it insults some of you who are madly in Fove. I know it is supposed to be magical, but sometimes magical dreams are all too elusive. They are just that, fantasy. But then, whats wrong with a fantasy or a mirage as long as it makes you feel happy? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Keep chasing the dream. I have seen people finding someone who Loves(not Foves) them in the truest sense of the word, after bitter experiences with Fove.

And yes, you don't need to die to prove your Fove. Whats the use of a dead woman's (or even man's) Fove? So be careful in what you wish for, when asking someone to prove his/her Fove. There can be non-destructive tests too. What do we know about death anyways? Just that no one comes back from there. For all you know, it might be a much more pleasant experience than carrying on with a Lucked up life. And may be, thats why no one comes back, even if they have an option.

So much gyan on Fove, in one day. I am all warmed up for giving my strategy exam now.

The Don'ts and The Not Yets.

2005-08-30T11:24:00.000+05:30

Don’t ask me where I was all these days. You would mock at my presumptuousness, wouldn’t you? As if, anybody missed me all this while. Who cares, anyways! So I was taken up with the maddening rush of the semester ends, trying to steer the ships home. Infinite horrible presentations, inane assignments and arbitrary reports later, I stand on the verge of freedom. But before that, there is this last demon to dodge.

Before I forget, don’t ask me what am I doing blogging when I have an exam in a few hours, either? The mind is too fickle and the body too unwilling. And the spirit, that died months ago. Poor soul!!!

Finally, it seems I am in news. Wait, don’t start going through the front page of Times. I am not there, not yet anyways. It happens to be some edition of Punjab Kesri or some paper which I am sure gets published from Gorakhpur. It’s for something I had to do, out of pure compulsion. Now, don’t let your imaginations let loose. I didn’t shoot anyone, not yet anyways.

The realization sunk yesterday that blogs are afterall a very public media. I think I have been guilty of using this as my personal diary at times. Not that I do maintain a diary or for that matter a dairy. But yes, I would refrain from very random mumblings, or atleast try.

Laugh a Bit

2005-08-19T08:13:00.000+05:30

Ooh..'Cause if I laugh

Just a little bit,

Maybe I can forget the chance

That I didn't have

To know you

And liveIn peace.

In peace.

Ooh..Oh, yeah, 'cause if I laugh

Just a little bit,

Maybe I can forget the plans

That I didn't use

To get youAt home

With me

Alone.

Ooh..Oh, yeah..Mmm..

'Cause if I laugh,

Ooh, just a little bit,

Maybe I can recall the way

That I used to be

Before you

And sleepAt night

And dream.

Oh, yeah, 'cause if I laugh,

Baby, if I laugh

Just a little bit.

Oh, yeah..

The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley)

2005-08-17T00:16:00.000+05:30

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear, but I knew that it would come.
An old, true friend of ours was talking on the phone, she said you found someone.

And I thought of all the bad luck and the struggles we went throughand how I lost me and you lost you.
What are these voices outside love's open door?Make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now but I miss you sometimes.

The more I know, the less I understand.

All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again.

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matterbut my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter

but I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

I had a God!

2005-08-12T03:31:00.000+05:30

"It wasn't long ago when I had a God. It was so peaceful then. Sometimes, I wonder if I chose Him or Was it otherwise. May be it was my need.

And then, I turned atheist. May be I no longer felt His need. But gracious that He is, He wouldn't let go. He knew I would be lost without His light around me. And I could still feel His warmth even if I never went to temple again.

Now, I need Him but I no longer remember the way to His place. Poor Good has too many like me to look at. He got busy with those who needed Him more, and now there is a gap no human can bridge. And poor God is too involved in His disciples."

-Some enlightened soul.

Me thinks: What crap do people blog?
Me-Also thinks: Look, who is talking?
Me thinks: Come on, I am not this bad.
Me-Also thinks: Why don't you ever trust my prudence?
Me thinks: Shut up! You are not supposed to bitch about me or my blog.
Me-Also thinks: There you go. I am going back to sleep.
Me thinks: Yes, please and dont wake up soon. No one is going to miss you.

By the way, on a more serious note, does God have access to internet? I mean if He doesnt have a bsnl connection (somehow i guess God would prefer using the good ol' DoT rather than going to i-Way, if at all he does), all such pleas are a waste. Also, what if he doesnt know to use internet? Oh, it worries me. God, please get a bit tech-savvy.

Come As You Are

2005-08-10T15:23:00.000+05:30

One of the more readable suicide notes...

“It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.”

“…I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!”

“I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy,
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I love you, I love you!”

When God Wants Fun

2005-08-10T01:00:00.000+05:30

So much to say. None who could hear, anyways. No shoulders to comfort. So, I thought I would let the world know how numb I feel.

Oh! God where are you? Take me home with you. NOW!!!

And here is Mukesh singing "Dil jaane mere saare mere bhed ye gahre...". What timing!!! Its all a joke for You, isn't it?

All Globe, No Trust!!!

2005-08-07T23:40:00.000+05:30

“Global Trust Bank (GTB), one of India's leading private sector banks, today announced its foray into Electronic Commerce. Infosys Technologies Limited, India's leading software company, has provided GTB with their software, BankAway, for this initiative.”

That’s straight from the website of India’s most respected software company, Infosys. Incidentally, I got my first job offer from Infosys. But this is not about Infosys, nor about me. Did I hear a sigh of relief? It is about GTB. Why this sudden interest in a bank which sank months back, u may ask. Actually, it was one of the numerous cases we discuss and one of the rare ones that evoked my interest. Finally! So I thought I might just as well get some Gyan on this.

One of the first pieces I came across about GTB was an article by a satisfied customer. Indeed, the guy was so satisfied that his report read like an advertorial by GTB. And you know my conspiracy theory seeking brain. It immediately started calculating how much GTB would have paid to get that article in public domain. Still, if there is a modicum of truth in that article, banking would have been fun with GTB, at least as long as they were giving your money back. I especially liked ABACUS theory (That would be Any Bank Any Customer, dumbo!).

The other articles was by a certain ‘JM’, who was absolutely livid at the morons who did banking with GTB. In fact he wrote that article with such fuming anger that I couldn’t help thinking that he might have even given a real spanking if ever he caught hold of one of the a/c holders of GTB. Anyways, he compared it with Nedungadi Bank fiasco and its subsequent merger with PNB and interestingly came up with bouquets for RBI. I am not sure though.

A brain child of banking genius Ramesh Gelli, GTB started of with a bang. However, it was the only private bank without a credible parent company to back it like ICICI Bank had. It was obvious that it had to do something drastic to maintain its rapid growth. This is where story starts turning sour. An unsustainable business proposition left it with huge NPAs, which according to some estimates where around Rs. 11 Billion. I really doubt that piece of information, but still. There are similar funny anecdotes about the kind of staff that the chairman recruited to handle key operations, the shenanigans of Gelli and RBIs slumber. What else can you call it when the central bank doesn’t react to continued violation of CAR, rigging of share price, Gelli-KP nexus and subsequent ban on GElli by SEBI or even dressing of financial statements.

Anyways, the merger deal with UTI fell with governing bodies finally budged and the pack of cards that was GTB came down. the greatest loosers were the equity investors. The customers could restart transaction after a brief moratorium, and the following merger with OCB. The good thing to know was that RBI didn't need to flex its muscles to convince OCB which apparently came forward to do the honours. The fall in shareprices of OCB was arrested only when the bank revealed there would be no swap of shares for GTB shareholders. Poor fellas, you got to feel sorry for them.

So what's in it for OCB? Perhaps, a chance to diversify geographically to Southern parts of the country. Perhaps, leveraging the marketing strengths of GTB. Even learning form the world class service providers that GTB were. That's all ok, but what about the effect of this on OCBs image? And, trust?

I don't know, huh. Who cares, I am not opening any account in that bank anytime soon.

U No Cal, Pal.

2005-08-05T03:34:00.000+05:30

Closer to home, the dragons in the neighborhood are fumed and breathing fire. (Just a question, can dragons breathe anything else?)

Anyways, much to the chagrin of CNOOC, their bid for Unocal had to be withdrawn because the move "threatened to impair" U.S. national security. Forget that shareholders were getting a better deal, almost a billion better. That’s laissez faire in the very land of capitalism. I couldn't help wonder if the deal would have gone through if it had been BP bidding for the California based company. To an extent, I can understand. None of the Indians would actually be doing 'bhangda', if tomorrow Pakistan Petroleum Ltd. were to bid for HP.

But then that reminds us all that at the end of it, man still remains a primitive animal, caring only about the territory he can defend. My strategy professor was right. Knowledge or no knowledge, it's the predispostion that guides decision even for them most rationals. No more bunking his classes.

The Relativity of Obesity

2005-08-03T21:33:00.000+05:30

Call someone obese and one might be offended, more so if that one happens to be she. I would know. And I am reminded that I am not referring to my 'differential positioning' for the first time on this blog. But this is not just about me or that whale of a girl in my college, who does that funny jig and calls it jogging.

The problem is more deep rooted. Once starved Indians are competing Uncle Sam to become the most overfed chubby cheeks on the planet. And then, if its unfashionable to be one for anything that walks on two legs, its quite the 'in' thing for organizations. Look at them cannibalizing their smaller ones with shameless greed. So, it could be an Adidas savoring Iverson-topped Reebok or an Oracle proudly i-flexing its muscle, claming that its hunger is yet to be satiated. The mother of them all was of course Lee Raymond crafted Exxon-Mobil which gave birth to a 'tehemoth' when the two behemoths merged. The old man alas has failed to get his stay at the top extended any further, giving way to much younger Rex W. Tillerson.

Unlike the perfect fit between the two oil majors, Time Warner- AOL merger is still troubling TW. Last heard, a provision running into few billion dollars were set aside to satisfy some cribbing souls leaving the media giant SpyBlasted. That brings me to the absence of much maligned synergy in these M&As. The whole exercise just ends in adding flab to what could have been a lean and mean entity. So, what does Adidas gain from Reebok besides the pleasure of being clear No. 2? What about the use of i-flex to Oracle? As it was, i-flex used Oracle's support and if the idea was to penetrate the banking clients of i-flex, nine of the top 10 banks are already Oracle clients.

So much about the glorified M&As, and the hot shot bankers assisting the leaders to implement their vision. Forget one world, one language, one planet, one day there will be ONE conglomorate. And then, laissez would be really faire.

That Thing I Do.

2005-07-30T16:05:00.000+05:30

What do you do when you are oblivious of the world because there is lot of alcohol floating in your belly? I give you a sample. Read on:

You write, as if you were the next SexPear. I mean isn't it heights of optimism and presumptuousness to faithfully write this blog hoping that one day you will write well. And even worse, one day people would care to read it. Nah buddy, thats not gonna happen. Not in this life, not to you! You write as if you have lived the greatest life there ever was to live, suffering all the pains the cynical God could ever inflict on mankind. Whom are you kidding?

But still, lets indulge in a bit of narcissism. If you still wouldn't heed to my warnings, go on read my home page. Don't come out whining like yourself, I had warned you before. Blame it on cheap booze.

http://www.geocities.com/shatdalkumar/Here_I_am.html

If You Could Feel.

2005-07-29T15:08:00.000+05:30

God, why can’t you listen to me? Is it just because we are geographically apart? I am sure you don’t live in India, with all this poverty, hatred, chaos and choices.

So, who are you? An American- silently enjoying the security at the cost of lives of millions of lesser mortals? With all the hatred that your visionary leadership has managed to generate, even there you would have felt scared. A British- tagging along Uncle Sam religiously and blindly like a faithful dog, so that it would take care of you when the weather is rough? After 7/7, that shield of security, which wasn’t actually ever there, would seem breached. Not French either with its dirty roads, or a Japanese with swarm of people around. You couldn’t be Australian for I assume your preference for people who respect you.

Uh, with so many choices and still none to make you really comfortable, you would have as many sleepless nights as I have. Only I am not thinking about which country to inhabit, but which job to spoil my life in. Are you as confused and consumed as I am? Do you know what you want to do with your life?

But let’s not digress into matters which make us uncomfortable. You really don’t care, do you? Your callousness saddens my soul, for I always thought we had a bond which went beyond the physical, the worldly. I thought you would interpret my thinking even those I couldn’t fathom, feel my yearnings. I would hate to admit that you were any less than I thought you were. But the confidence is waning, and the realization is sinking in. Alas, you were only too human.

Thanks, still, for the life you let me live.

Wish It Was Then!

2005-07-27T13:26:00.000+05:30

Am I getting old or have I really been through the best part of my life?

That sounds a stupid question unless you happen to be lost in a reverie of old times, reliving them again and again, desperately trying to recreate that magic. An amazing exercise which leaves you frustrated at your inability to recreate those sensations, those exact feelings that you went through. It leaves you with a feeling that you didn’t really live the best parts of your life to the fullest. Somehow you weren’t even sincere in that.

Ah, those were the days. When I was what I wanted to be. How I wish it was then.

Silly Story, Nonetheless.

2005-07-22T22:02:00.000+05:30

An old man was walking along the beach one evening at low tide. He noticed that thousands of starfish had been stranded on the sand by the receding waters. in the course of his walk he came upon a young man who was picking up some of the starfish and throwing them back into the sea...
"What are you doing?" the old man asked.
"Oh, just saving some starfish," the young man replied.
"Well, you're a fool," the old man told him.
"Really?" replied the young man. "What makes you say so?"
"Well, just look at all the starfish on this beach. There are thousands of them." The old man looked around and then at the young man. "You don't have the time nor the energy to save all of them. Your saving a few starfish is nice, but in the larger scheme of things it's ridiculous. What difference could you possibly make?"
The young man looked at the old man for a moment. Then, wordlessly, he bent down, picked up a starfish, and threw it far out into the water.
"Well," he said, putting his hands on his hips in satisfaction,
"I made a big difference to that one."

Shahrukh and Palekar do a Cruise and Spielberg

2005-07-10T16:01:00.000+05:30

Why, Indian movie industry can do anything that their Hollywood counterparts can do. And perhaps even better it. Thus Mr. Palekar scripted Paheli and a moustached SRK was the one to give life to the buffoonery. Add to it an increasingly old looking Ms. Rani Mukherjee, dialect that left my South Indian company clueless (at times, even me), and all-are-the-same-song-and-dance sequences at the drop of a pagdi. And you come up with Paheli, a riddle that leaves you too uninterested to even attempt a try at decoding it.

To be fair, the colors are bright and vibrant (but leave you seeing lot of red). The locations are grand and the cinematography decent. The question, however, that keeps me interested through out the movie: Is it better/worse that 'War of the Worlds'? The competition is close, but the popular choice for the worst movie of the two weekends goes to Paheli. Atleast that theater had better seats. Hail!!! Indy movie prevails over Hollywood.

Moral of the story: Avoid watching movies.

Key Drivers of Moods

2005-07-10T01:37:00.000+05:30

Click. That was my mood. It switched off again at the slightest of friction, or was it too much of affection. I dont care, I have this headache to survive now. It happens all too often to me. There are moments when I just snap, and most of the times its a rude awakening from a reverie. What is wrong with me, if anything?

People think I have changed since my engineering days. For all I know, I might have. After all, here I am, matching wits with the elitest of the elites. The kind of people who find it hip to say that your company is only incidental for them. A matter of your being at the 'right' place at the 'right' time. I dont understand, am I the only one who can tell a human from a moving shadow? Or am I too sensitive? My eternal regard for the intellectual superminds of this elitist institution and a humble assessment of the self tells me that its the latter. Yes, I think I have changed, for worse.

The people are but a facade, the institution only a myth. But it sounds like hiding behind the lies obfuscating the reality. If I wouldn't credit all my success to these facades and myths, why violate consistency? So, I look inwards and all I find is all I always wanted to hide from everyone else. Anyways, I think I have digressed as much as I could have and this brings me back to the point. The triggers of mood?

I hate it when people violate my personal space. I hate it when people keep asking me if there is anything wrong? Such iterative questions eventually remind me of all the things that are wrong? And I slip into 'everything-sucks' mode. Like the one I am right now. Its bad, its intoxicating, without any hangover effect.

About Jogging and Hogging!!!

2005-07-04T11:01:00.000+05:30

Only if somebody told me why are we penalized so heavily for things which we like to do. Take for instance hogging, which I assure you is the last thing on my list. But still, for the sake of simplicity. So, all those fried momos and choclate dripping ice-creams are so irresistable. And then for all such sins committed in the swanky restaurants, the come-uppance in form of the painful jogs around the campus. Strugging for every breath, while the ankles threaten to pop open, I never think about the hogging sessions.

Its interesting. When we suffer for our sins, do we actually reflect upon the 'Why' of it? Or we simply go about the punishment part as another trough of life. I like this insight. Today when I jog, all I will think about is the momos and the chocolates. And who knows, it might stop me from going on any more eating binges. Humm, Nice strategy.

For now, its another jog to the lecture theater... for more insights on strategy.

Who Am I? So Much For Empty Maul Boxes.

2005-07-04T10:25:00.000+05:30

Who am I, I wonder. Last night in while talking in a meeting in the mess, I couldn't help smiling at this guy fumbling for words to dispel ideas which were even more jumbled up. But thats not the funny part. The funny part is that it was me smiling at myself. My words sounded distant to me, as if coming from far far away. Is it funny or is it scary?

I often wish I was somebody else, somebody smarter, somebody luckier, just somebody else. And then there are days when I am actually somebody else. I call it vagaries of 'Me'. Effervescent at times, illusive at others. I admire the overt spirits at times and loathe them the next moment. I think I am jumbled up in my mind. Its an understatement of humongous magnitude. I mean I am lost and as much lost as perhaps anyone can be.

How did I reach here? Blaming destiny would be the answer of an escapist. But I am not an escapist. (Hush... tell you something, I think I am an escapist... don't tell the guy typing... he might feel insulted... we both are sensitive, you know... hush... ) I think even if I didn't want to be here, I actually plotted this to perfection. Or perhaps I had no choices except to make the choices I did. And that brings me to the difference between what I want and what I really want? Uh, this is getting as jumbled up as that guy in mess last night.

Parting shot: Am I who I am or am I who I want to become? Sorry but Popeye doesnt convince me.

Horrors of 'Wars...'

2005-07-03T02:52:00.000+05:30

It was a breach of confidence, worse than a girl standing you up. A Spielberg and Tom Cruise duet- supposed to take you on an exhilarating journey, even if it meant empathizing with the feeling of being at the verge of extinction.

The horror of ‘War of the Worlds’ doesn’t come from the aliens or their gigantic whatevers. Nor does the ‘veinly’ redness of earth make you shriek. It makes you cringe - with the grossness of the idea and the audacity of implementation. The needless running around of the protagonists and the story takes you nowhere. The end comes swiftly and irrationally but thankfully. By the end, you are relaxed that the assault has ended, both on US and your over-abused grey cells.

Disbelieve on the faces coming out of theater had much more appeal than the whole Tom Cruise saga. Did I read it right? A Spielberg movie. I don’t care, I want my money back. How about insurance companies refunding you ticket fare whenever Films do a Monaco on the expectant viewers? Just a thought.

Road most travelled

2005-07-02T10:14:00.000+05:30

Work-shop on "Careers in Finance" by an i-banker (should the i be capital in reverence to the profession?) from JPM. Sounded like the perfect setting for a launch of yet another templetonesque career in finance. Only the i-banker chose to dessiminate the truth rather than build up the confidence. Seems like these people pay you in proportion to the area of dark circles under your eyes. And I am sure i dont want them under mine. The rewards are 'on' but the slog is not. Add to it the comfort level, or discomfort level, with fundas of finance and all the pieces start falling in place.

Here I come buyers to sell you what you wouldn't give a damn about. Soaps or hair oils, paints or scents, a pair of jeans or plasma screens. The rhyming is purely coincidental but I can bill you for value-added services too.

A swot analysis before coming to the conclusion would have been advisable but when pre-desposition rather than knowledge decides the strategy, why even bother. And the title of the blog? Thats because I believe I am not the only one strolling down (or up) this path.

The fluid laxant and the nerves

2005-06-26T02:13:00.000+05:30

Why would you need a reason to drink? I mean people drink just like that, dont they? Look beyond the pretexts and the only thing that drives them to this is the heck of it, HECKOFIT. Nice phrase, wonder if someone thought about patenting it. Just a thought.

Anyways in a different context, I think I am like life. Why??? Come on, give it a try??? Guess??? Because both of us suck. Ha ha ha. OK, thats not even in the same zip code as funny.

What else? wonder why are we so repititive? I mean I get bored of myself at times. The characters change but the plot is the same.

Ah! Booze. Loosens up so many chain of thoughts but reduces the supply of words. It relaxes nerves though, poor over-worked bursting at their seam nerves. But then, it leaves you short of words to express them all. As it has done to me now. Lets call it a day then.

Tale of Three Rosogullas!!!

2005-04-26T11:43:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was one of the more productive days in the market. It helps to have someone who knows native language, has years of experience and can drive you around in his car. But it was a learning experience. I hope to follow it up with some good work today.
Attended a B’day party last night, a typical maithil party. An amazing cocktail of cultures. It’s the simplicity of these functions that I like even if I don’t enjoy them much. B’day boy gets to cut the cake but no one sings “Happy B’day” and nobody told him that the first piece of cake should go to father or mother or sister. So he is chasing his friend with the first piece of cake, who unfortunately is not interested in anything that looks dark.
The best part is undoubtedly the dinner, not just because I am fat and love eating. If you try and listen, there will be voices all around the room requesting people to have one more fill and the rest pleading to spare them the overeat. This can be really funny unless you are the one pleading to avoid the third piece of huge ‘rosogulla’. But you can’t. Hail, we are maithils!!!
By the time I reached home, I was too tired. This is a new routine for me, waking up at 6 and sleeping at 11. Wanted so much to see Arsenal in EPL at 12.30 last night but that would have meant staying up till 3 and waking up at 6. Anyways, dozed off much earlier than that. Next is the Champion’s League on Wednesday. Will I have the energy to watch it? Keep looking on this board.

Wretched Mondays!!!

2005-04-25T10:55:00.000+05:30

No all days are not the same. My heart started sinking last night itself at the prospect of another long week in calcutta's furious sun. Waking up this morning, I did a back-of-the-envelope calculation about the amount of travelling I will have to do this week and the hours that it would consume and my heart sank to new lows.
Sunday was a non-starter with nothing to do. Strolled around the park so much that i got tired. I mean carrying your own weight can be quite arduous if you are my size.
Anyways me in office now, trying to organize the things for the week. Have prepared an ambitious schedule for the next 6 weeks :). On paper, the plan looks fool-proof like all plans on paper. One thing that still bothers me is demand estimation but who is interested in tackling the tough questions first. LEts do the easier things first to set the boll rolling. Now I am off to visit.

On a roll!!!

2005-04-23T11:11:00.000+05:30

At last I am in the field, learning the tricks of the trade. The differece is stark, one one hand the comfort of a chair and on the other the pushes of the crowd. This is fun.
The project I have is almost like setting up a complete new business. I got to understand the market dynamics, learn what people are doing and then find a way to crack the market. This is as challenging as it sounds. For once, my team is not enthusiastic about the project. They seem to have settled with the fact that there is no market there and at times, there conviction shakes my conviction. Afterall, they have been in the market for years. But my coach has been extremely encouraging and has shared some of his wisdom with me. And I am also convinced that there exists a potential out there which has to be carved out.
The going has been slow uptill now but rather than sitting in the office and chalking out plans, I think going in the market would help me learn faster. Ofcourse, I am yet to learn most of the things I need to know but then once you are thrown into the sea, you learn swimming pretty quick. As it is, I am working against time and waging a lone battle.
At times, motivation level starts dipping especially when i get tired. These are 12 hour long day and I am not used to this much travelling. Tomorrow is a sunday and I am so looking forward to it.
Yesterday was a shorter day in comparison and we, didi, jha jee and kids, went to Nalban. It was windy, good for boating. Nice.
There is so much lined up for today. Gotta work now and the sunoutside scares me. Uff.

The City of Joy???

2005-04-19T13:31:00.000+05:30

Woke up at 4.30 and as usual the flight was delayed. So reached by 9.30 and then got ready to report to Kolkata Branch. Reached here at around 12. Welcome to the real world.
Its, hold you breath, 25 kms away from Salt Lake, thats where I stay. Took me cool 2 and half hours to return by bus. And you got to ride a Kolkata bus to believe me what the experience is like. By the time I reached SL, every part of my body was crying for help.
In between, I met a number of important people, saw how biscuits are made, had a briefing etc etc. Towards the end, I started actual work on the project. Couldn't do much as I was too tired.
Reached SL at quarter to nine jumping and jiving in the bus. God, where do they bring these grand ol' buses from. Few days like this and I will be back in shape. The only silver lining.

Maunday at BIL.

2005-04-19T09:35:00.000+05:30

Last day at Executive Office before we fly back to our respective location, Kolkata in my case. Had stayed at IIMB last night, so got to meet lots of people from L. Guys there are having fun.
Was very tired after the field trip or 'visitations'. So stayed in guest house in the evening. Will have to wake up real early tomorow to catch the lone flight to Kolkata. :(

My first day at Britannia!!!

2005-04-16T14:14:00.000+05:30

Welcome to the party! We, me and Basal, landed at 11 in the night. Mathur was there to recieve us. I had called him from Kolkata itself, but later regretted it. Poor guy had to wait one hour. The hotel was decent though we had tough time digging it out.
We three, Kaustubh was already there at the hotel, reached on time. Since it was a saturday, the only person there seemed to be Abhishek. Anyways, got a briefing which was not brief. Finally a field visit took is to SAPLabs and Deutsch.
The project is unexpectedly interesting and challenging. Dekho kya hota hain?

Here I am... This is me

2005-04-13T11:34:00.000+05:30

Now that I am hip too... oh, thats because I have started blogging... I am wary. This thing has a awesome potential to be a public embarassment as some of my friends have already found out. But still couldn't resist the tempetation to be 'kewl'.
I start for summers tomorrow and I hope I get Delhi as my project location. The other two optioons being Kolkata and Madras.
Thats as much blogging as I can do on first day.
Adios!!!